To anyone out there who gets my Black Flag/Repo Man quasi-joke, you're my friend. And probably almost as old as me. Either that or you're way too good with your pop culture history. Drop me a line and we'll do People magazine crosswords together while snacking on vanilla Zingers, drinking Tapa Punch.
That said, I should note that I was pretty much raised by Mike and Carol Brady, Mom and Pops Racer, Spider-Man (in color!), and Gilligan and the Skipper (Hale represent!) before delving into the subject vexing me today: The new season of The Bachelor, starting January 2 (8/7 c).
As in, why in the heck did they choose Ben F. to be the next Bachelor, when Ryan from Newport Beach (or was he from Corona del Mar?) would have been infinitely more entertaining??? Not to be mean to Ben, since he looks like a nice enough guy, but let's face it: nice doesn't make for good TV. Yes, his mother and sister seem to have way too much influence on his life, but so what? Unless someone at ABC orders him to stand up to the women in his family or no paycheck, I don't see many fireworks in the forecast for the next season of The Bachelor.
Now, Ryan, on the other hand--there's some inherent conflict. He reads books about how to make your relationship great, yet he has to come on The Bachelorette in his early 30s to find a date since he hasn't yet been able to find that special someone, despite being a hot-looking, successful, self-made businessman. He's an environmentalist prone to waxing on about the efficiency of tankless water heaters, yet he sports no facial hair and has an overly neat haircut. He bugs the crap out of all the other guys on the show, yet we girls at home have no qualms with him, making us wonder, what gives? Do the guys know something that's not making it on camera?
In his final episode with Bachelorette Ashley, upon being dumped, Ryan asks her, "You don't want to meet my family?" To that, my daughter and I both yelled at the same time, "I want to meet your family!!!" As in, we've got to see the family that spawned this guy. Because is he too good to be true, too perfect to be straight, or is he on the verge of cracking into a media-exposure-hungry egotist like former Bachelorette contestant Jake? Or did ABC ask him and Ryan said no, since he couldn't afford to waste any more time away from his expanding solar business empire (and after being on The Bachelorette, now he gets plenty of chicks)?
I know it's all cheese and the entire concept is unbelievably contrived, but I can't help being curious. Maybe I'm the only one out there beside Irwin Handleman who cares, but still. Not until the show loses Chris Harrison, with his deadpan snarky comments between rose ceremonies, will I stop watching.