Happy Thanksgiving! In thinking about what I'm thankful for, I've got a lot on my list. My faith, my family, my friends, my health, my writing career--the list goes on. One thing that wasn't on my list last year, however, was my freedom. Hate to put it that way, but it's true. And honestly, if things hadn't taken such a bizarre turn in the last year, I'd probably still be in the same place right now. But they did, so I'm not. Instead, I'm sitting here typing away in a two-bedroom apartment with the cat who hated my ex-husband and the dog whose custody I am loathe to relinquish.
Anyway, I haven't felt this free since my first year of college. The world has changed in between, though, with technology making it a much less lonely place. It doesn't take weeks or months or even years for word to get around when someone sells a book or gets pregnant or finally gives up on their 20-year marriage. Now, information abounds where before there was only a vacuum. Sometimes, the glut of news can be a little overwhelming, but overall, I think I like things better this way, with the world more transparent and honest.
I hate to admit this, since it makes me sound weak (and I was, for putting up with it), but marriage (to my ex) meant denying so much of who I was, who I still am, who I want to be. To keep the peace, I repeatedly let go of friendships he didn't approve of, while being dumped by other friends who couldn't stand the person I'd become with him by my side. It hurts to think that, but deep down, I know the truth--if I were a fictional character, I'd be dismissed by readers as gutless and unsympathetic. It may sound weird, but the more I studied craft, the more I realized how far from the person I wanted to be I had become.
Now, though, life is wide open again. Anything could happen. Any number of possibilities or potential outcomes. In the mean time, I'll do my best to follow my heart while attempting to choose wisely.